As melodramatic as the title may sound, this is how I saw my time in Russia - a (mental) survival guide. Even though I visited Russia once before, I was in some sort of University bubble with my non-Russian friends, spending 90% of our time in one dingey chain of bars, SPB (great 3 litre tanks of beer), and playing cards in numerous parks. The other 10% was spent in an apartment with a Russian host who was forever abandoning us for her dacha, or in a rubbish language school in a building that was about to collapse. So even with this experience, I didn't feel as though I had a huge advantage over those who had never been to Russia.
For those of you studying Russian, or equally for you tourists, I have compiled some pointers that I will spread across a few posts to help you survive the biggest country in the world. The first port of call - manners.
St Petersburg may well be one of the most Westernised cities in Russia, but don't let that fool you into thinking that our ways are even remotely similar. This may seem obvious to some, especially when there are plenty of universally known stereotypes about the Russians - "they're rude", "they're cold people", "they look at you funny", "the police are crazy" to name but a few. As a foreigner you may prove some of these stereotypes to be true, but in order to keep out of the suspicious minds of the Russians, you need to smile politely, accept them as cultural differences and rant to your friends later.
Firstly, I found that when walking along the street it was perfectly acceptable for a fragile old lady with no teeth, or a drunken, bald man to stop abruptly in front of you and waste no time in demanding how to reach somewhere. When I asked a teacher in a lesson how to get to a place of interest in my polite, British manner, she told me I was a complete weirdo to have said "excuse me" and "if you would be so kind" and "please". Be rude, she said. Well, rude as you see it, of course the Russians wouldn't bat an eyelid.
If you are studying and living with a host, it will most probably be a lovely woman who wants nothing more than to fatten you up and offer you a cup of tea every hour (чай, хочешь? хочешь чай?). Apparently the British drink tea at 5pm everyday, so when I was consistently turning down my hosts offer of a hot beverage in 25 degree heat (no, I don't believe that this could ever 'cool you down'), she was left baffled and defeated. I stood my ground with the tea drinking, as I was hot enough already in a bedroom with closed windows so as to not let in the deadly mosquitoes that are big and loud enough to leave you cowering under your covers every night. The sampling of strange looking Russian food, however, was difficult to avoid. I'm always open to trying new things, but when it looks like curdled cottage cheese, or has bugs oozing out of it, I'd rather stick to what I know. The thing is about the Russians, is that they are very persistent, and the thing is about the British, is that we are very polite. Somehow a sort of tradition was made according to my host - I would eat 'black bread' with every meal. I think I ate bread maybe 2 nights in a row with soup before she saw it as a dinner ritual. She would say "oh, of course Yeva ('Eve' in Russian) will have some bread. She always does." I could never say no, even if said bread was as dry and as hard as a brick.
If you're ambling down the street playing tourist, gaping at the beautiful buildings or equally at the homeless person with a huge toy tiger, you'll probably miss the Russians steaming towards you with no intention of moving aside. They will walk into you, perhaps nudging you that extra bit harder just as a warning to never look away from their watchful, determined eyes again. You might turn around and pull a "excuse me?! Do you mind?!" face, but to no prevail. They will already be nudging another poor tourist who is simply appreciating their city.
So just remember, if your mumma taught you manners, you probably don't need them in Russia. They'll just think you're either ungrateful or a creep. Or if you're really unlucky, both.
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